well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
