if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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