i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
