Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i used baking grease as lip gloss
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
