you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
