In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
