turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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