i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
