Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
