Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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