Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
whose parrot is this?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
