Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
