I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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