Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
