Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
