New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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