Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
home. puking in laundry basket.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
