I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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