don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
