she sounds like chewbacca in bed
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
