someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
