So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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