I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
