they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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