apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You pole danced in your parka.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
