in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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