I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
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