You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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