she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
