help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You are the jesus of drinking
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
