Kiss
Puke
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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