you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
