he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
