dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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