Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
