And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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