Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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