i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
