i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
