Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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