good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
