Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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