The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
