Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
