we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
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