and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
