she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
