i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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