u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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