did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
