just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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