so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
