I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
