shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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