Rock
Scissors
Fuck
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
